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I walked West 11th Street to get here, he said. One of my very favorite writers once did me the compliment of naming someone in one of her stories, published in the New Yorkerafter me—and giving him a home on West 11th.

It was the sort of thing that shamed me regularly for the sort of upbringing I'd had—my father had committed us to assimilation and had not wanted us to speak Korean. To keep the long story short. He seemed to accept this. He had died when I was young, though, and the language gap left us estranged from his family afterward.

I'm an Asian guy living in San Francisco, and I travel around the world a lot (comparing gay Asians behavior), so here are my perspective on Asians in America. Most Asians in US are white-washed, and there are not enough hot/similar aged White men that are interested in Asian guys.

I practiced it as he watched and corrected me. Inwe were putting these connections back together—I had just gone to Korea with my family that summer, and my grandfather had given me these books. We were both drunk. O n one of our first dates—we lasted for about two weeks in July of —we met up in New York's West Village for dinner.

In popular gay Asian colloquialism, there lies the cultural notion that desires revolve around two specific racial choices – rice or potato?. For a long time, living on West 11th was my dream—and while its power over me came from Grace Paley having lived there, the brick buildings were low, so there was beautiful light, and from Fifth Avenue to the Hudson Highway, these beautiful rooms full of books and art suggested lives that mesmerized me as I walked by.

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It's our destiny. It's not out of our reach. But there was still so much no one had ever taught me. Do you think it's out of our reach, to live there? A friend who'd once said to me, I'm half-Korean, too. How does whiteness shape our romantic lives?

My heart caught in my ribs. The books are kept in an antiquated Chinese script, and I am unable to read them, but he could read them.

In retrospect I should have guessed: He reminded me of a friend from college who had studied Chinese and Korean, practiced Chinese calligraphy, trained in tae kwon do, and dated Korean women almost exclusively. The closest I will ever get to this dream.

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I think it was this moment that pierced me, but there were many, really. I'm the oldest male in my generation, the 42nd, and by Korean tradition, we are given them. At a party for gay Asian men and their white male "admirers," James Han Mattson considers the heavily racialized world of dating.

Just, inside. On one of our first dates, he came over to my apartment and told me about the books I'd just been given by my grandfather, the jokbo for our family. He was that sort of dangerous beauty with a knack for knowing just what I dreamed about.

Oh, I said, without explaining.